


I'm Pregnant!

by MadameExpendable



Category: Saturday Night Live, Saturday Night Live RPF
Genre: Fluff, House Hunting, M/M, Parents-To-Be, Sethon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-12
Updated: 2014-10-12
Packaged: 2018-02-20 21:56:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2444582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadameExpendable/pseuds/MadameExpendable
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Stefon isn't too excited about moving to Reading and Seth is a great husband. Based on Stefon's closing statement on last night's show. NOT M-PREG, DESPITE THE TITLE. (Just read and you'll see what I mean.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm Pregnant!

**Author's Note:**

> I stayed up until 4 in the morning writing this after the show yesterday because it gave me so many feelings and it was THE perfect episode and all of the sketches were amazing and god I miss Bill so much :(
> 
> Also, come on, guys, Seth 'knocked up' Stefon. (That was one of the funniest Stefon segments I've ever seen, though. Too bad Seth wasn't there. It would've made it even better! D:)
> 
> Not counting this as part of my 25 Sethon oneshot collection because this needs to be a thing of it's own.
> 
> In this Stefon isn't ACTUALLY pregnant. Not because I'm opposed to the idea, but because I can't write m-preg worth a shit. But somebody needs to write that, because I would read the hell out of it.
> 
> (UPDATE: Sorry, I lied. Inspiration struck, and I'm writing an m-preg take on this entire fucked up situation right now.) 
> 
> By the way, I've never been to Reading, therefor I have no idea what it's actually like. Please bear with me.

"So, which one did you like better," Seth questioned as he chewed on the end of his pen, file folders and papers laid out in front of him on the café's impossibly tiny table, "the two story with the neighbors, or the one story with the big yard and the jacuzzi bathtub?" Seth personally favored the one story, if not only for the many scenarios in which he imagined a jacuzzi bathtub could be a marvelous thing to have.

Stefon stared idly out the window at the cool autumn rain beating down on passerbys. "I don't know. I guess the one story would have more room outside for the dogs." 

Seth looked up at his spouse and sighed. Stefon didn't sound particularly enthused about the subject. The longer Seth stared at him, the more evident the sadness in his expression became. After an uncomfortably long moment of silence, he set down the pen and asked, "Babe, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong." the younger man took a nonchalant sip of his latte, "I guess I'm just a little bit tired. It's hard being pregnant."

Seth rolled his eyes. "You are aware that you're not actually pregnant, right? Our surrogate is. It's scientifically impossible for you to have another human developing inside your body. I mean, really? 'I'll let you know if we keep it'?"

Having a baby was a big deal. They'd been married for over a year now, and they finally had "the talk". The, "I can't biologically carry your offspring because I am a man and even if I could, our child would be born with ecstasy in his veins" talk. They brought it up once, but the subject was quickly dropped. The next day, fate took it's toll and they ran into a lovely surrogate named Kate who presented the option to them. After some shockingly serious discussion they decided that, yes, they wanted to have a baby together. 

If you would have told Seth 8 years ago that someday, he was going to marry and have a child with the twitchy little kid who worked at the coffee shop, he would have probably... laughed and written a sketch about it.

"I was joooking. Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed." There was really no need for Seth to be such a downer. Of course he knew he couldn't REALLY get pregnant. If he could, they'd already have about 50 kids.

"No, somebody woke up on the floor. Again. I was trying to spoon you and you literally kicked me out of the bed in the midst of one of your weird spastic night terrors." Seth grinned and returned his gaze to the papers before him.

Stefon took a few seconds before nodding in understanding. "That would be a side effect from those green pills."

"Mmhmm. Listen, what do you say we keep looking? I don't want you to settle for a place you don't want to live in."

Stefon inwardly cringed. There it was, his least favorite word; settle. Yes, there was nothing he could possibly want more in life than to raise a child with his clever and studly lifemate, but he was hardly old enough to want to SETTLE. Especially not in a place like Reading. There was absolutely nothing to do, which was saying something, for Stefon had a way of digging up even the most hidden of nightspots. This place had nothing but Victorian style houses and bookstores with resident cats.

"Okay, Seth Meyers. Let's keep looking."

...

Finally, they found what Seth had considered to be "the perfect house". It was cozy, but not too cozy, with 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms (jacuzzi tub included), a beautiful patio, and a decent sized yard, all while being a modest one story home. Stefon had said that he loved it too, but even as Seth ran around one of the vacant rooms describing in vivid detail all the things they could do to make it a beautiful nursery for their unborn child (a subject that had Stefon previously bouncing off the walls with bizarre decor ideas that probably shouldn't be put into a baby's room), Stefon still seemed distant and... sad.

It was probably just a little case of homesickness- they had already been away from the city for almost a week on their quest for the ideal dwellings to start their happy little family. He'd probably get over it, though. It wasn't as if Seth didn't have to drive to the city for Late Night anyway (granted, most of the writing and such would be done over Skype and they'd have to pre-tape a bunch of episodes at once, which would probably interfere with his news-esque monologues, and so forth). Even so, he felt bad for putting this much pressure on the club kid. Buying a house wasn't easy.

Therefore, one night, while they were relaxing together on their not-so-comfortable hotel bed, Seth decided to take some of Stefon's focus off of the move by asking, "What do you want?"

Stefon blinked a few times. "I was thinking we could do it in the shower, but, like, sideways like this," 

As Stefon started crudely miming some unrealistic and nearly anatomically impossible sex position with his hands (he couldn't be too sure though, for Stefon had proven to him on several occasions that the human body could bend in some mysterious ways), Seth shook his head and grabbed said hands in his own. "I meant do you want, you know, a boy or a girl?"

Stefon gave him perhaps the most wife-like look he'd ever received. "You know I can't tell you that."

"What, it's not like anyone will ever know but the two of us. I can keep a secret." he punctuated that sentence by giving his husband a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Weeell, if it's really that important to you... I'd like for it to be a girl." 

"Thought so. Which is why I decided that I want a boy. Now it's balanced out." Seth grinned. For a moment, it felt as though they were a completely normal couple, having a normal couple conversation.

"Unless it turns out to be, like, a hermaphrodite or something."

Seth's grin widened. Well, maybe not 'normal', but they definitely made quite the couple.

...

The day finally came to make a decision on the house. 

They said yes.

Stefon watched numbly as the realtor shook Seth's hand.  
He felt like he was watching his entire life flash before him, like a part of him was dying. No more clubs. No more taxis. No more skyscrapers. No more early morning yoga in Central Park, or police sirens, or late night coffee runs for Seth and his writers.

Just a quiet little life in Reading.

...

After the deal was done, they went out for a celebratory dinner. "You do want it don't you?" 

"Want what?" Stefon replied as he slurped his lo mein in a fashion that made people turn their heads and stare.

Seth, used to the weird looks they got whenever he took Stefon out, elaborated. "The house."

Stefon hesitated. "Of course I want the house."

He shook his head. "Sweetheart, I need you to tell me right now if this isn't what you want. You just seem so depressed. We can keep looking-"

"It's not the house, Seth." 

"Then what is it?"

"I don't want to leave the city, okay?" That was it. After that sentence, he couldn't help but spill everything that was on his mind. "I belong in Manhattan, not some dull little community where we're the only gay couple and everyone likes to quilt. I want to be close to my mom and my brother and my home, which isn't here. Why can't our apartment be our kid's home too? Why do you want to move so badly?"

Seth blanked. "I... I thought that it would be nice to raise it somewhere more... spacious than New York City."

Stefon rolled his eyes. "Seth, I grew up in a 2 bedroom flat in Queens with my parents, my grandparents, and my brother. We had NO room, and I turned out... Well, David turned out fine."

Seth smiled that charming smile of his. "You're right. But, why did your grandparents live with you? I thought they both made a pretty good salary."

"We're Jewish." was his simple explanation.

"Ah." Seth nodded in understanding. He stared down at his food and thought. 

"Look, I know that you were born and raised in smalltown New Hampshire, and if that's what you really want for our child, then I'll... work on trying to want that, too."

...

Stefon was slightly roused from his slumber when he felt a hand glide softly up his back.

"Come on, babe. Time to get up."

Stefon groaned and put his arm over his closed eyes to block out the light.

"We have to be checked out by 10. I packed your suitcase back up for you."

Still no form of coherent response from the club kid.

"I called the real-estate agency and told them that we changed our minds."

That comment made Stefon shoot straight up, causing his forehead to collide with Seth's nose. The older man let out a yelp and clutched his most-likely bruised face. "Baaaaby, I'm sorry!" he reached out and cupped his injured husband's cheek, "But... What!?"

"I thought about what you said last night, and... I want to stay in Manhattan, too. You're right, it's home. Plus, it's just unnatural to watch you try to function in a non-metropolitan area, and all the interference with work would-"

He didn't have the chance to finish his sentence, as his explanation was muffled by the other man's mouth.

...

About 10 minutes and an overwhelming amount of tongue later, Stefon finally broke the kiss.

"Thank you thank you thank you, Seth Meyers." he buried his face in Seth's chest in what was probably the most heartbreakingly affectionate hug the ex-Update anchor had ever received. "I thought I was going to have to take up knitting and mow the lawn, and like, not in the the fun way."

Seth spent several seconds trying to figure out what that meant, before dropping it. He probably didn't want to know. "You already knit, though."

"Yeah, but I'd have to knit normal things like scarves and hats, not thongs and whiskey-keg-cozies." he whined.

"Right. And what would the above-water strippers at DELORES be without their wool thongs?" He said almost sarcastically.

Stefon grinned against the fabric of Seth's navy blue sweater. "But really. Thank you."

Seth wrapped his other arm around his husband's back and squeezed him a little. "I'm sorry I tried to get you to move out here in the first place. I have no clue what I was thinking. As you said earlier, you belong... We belong in New York City." He knew that people had their doubts about Stefon raising a kid. Stefon knew it too, and it gave him anxiety and even made him begin to doubt himself. 

Seth, however, didn't have a single doubt in his mind that Stefon would be a great dad.

Sure, he was a little bit off. He said and did weird things that would, under other circumstances, get someone admitted to a psychiatric ward. But, he was the only person Seth knew who wasn't afraid to be himself, no matter the company he was in. And that, to Seth, was perhaps the most important quality anyone could ever teach a child.

"Stefon?"

"Hmm?"

"I think we're going to do alright."


End file.
